Times youve been Dim/stupid...

me stapmam walked out of seeing the matrix saying 'so was that a true story then ?'

My lass walked into a greegrocers and asked for some chopped coarsely

first time in France, walking round Paris I fancied an apple. Saw a fruit shop and thought I'll use my French...... 'Un pomme de terre please'
she brought me one

you tatie.

My mates lass got into a taxi and asked 'to mickys house please'

Friday: slid down a bank n onto sum empty bella bottles = cut wrist = A&E

Our lass thought Tony Robinson was Timmy Mallet

When the match went off on bbc last night me mate(lass) percs up and says "so will they stop the game until the picture comes back on".

we had a problem with the telephone in my office and tried to fix it myself. so i rang it off my mobile to see if it was working. totally had a mind blank and answered it "good afternoon Quilted Camel Chris Speaking"

hahahaha

When I was five I decided it would be a good idea to put my orange arm bands around my leg - cue some stranger diving into the pool and saving my life.

Just been speaking to my mam on the phone, was rumaging around my handbag/draws/living room. Mam asked me what I was doing, i said I was looking for my phone :doh:

My mam does stuff like that. Goes looking for her glasses and she's either wearing them or theyre on top of her head.

I just tried to drink my phone b4, not realising my tea was in the other hand :spangled:

And that thing about the world getting heavier - I still think it must be true in some aspect lol

On the subject of phones... I tend to try and use mine as a mouse

Edit -> also on the subject of swimming baths.. I've dived in the shallow end of the shallow pool b4.. apparently my legs were still sticking out when my heed made contact with the floor..

Woke up in the first aid room

I do that at work all the time, I also use my mobile as a mouse, or answer phone "good morning T & T" and its my personal mobile

So far I have managed to not do that... nearly done it tho

I went on the sunbeds a few months ago and when I'd finished, I chucked my clothes etc back on, put my bag on my back and walked out the door with my coat and jeans in my arms. I'm so fucking pleased nobody was there to see me coming out in shoes and boxer shorts. I haven't actually told anyone about this yet :|

Also, when people ask you how old you are and you say the wrong age.. then later on they ask what your date of birth is. I did that with a connexions adviser the other day.. I was hoping she wouldn't end up asking for any specifics but apparently she needed to enter my details onto the database. She thought i was a fool.

Oh, and I went swimming a few weeks ago and just before I was about to jump in I got a msg on my phone.. in my shorts pocket

I often walk about the bathroom while i brush my teeth, often spitting out toothpaste in the toilet as i pace about..

One morning i spat in the sink and threw my toothbrush down the toilet