Heather

Hello.

Yes, the whole thread is out of order. I still stand by most of the things i have said. There is no excuse for my behaviour on wednesday evening. I will try and blame lots of things but it was me who typed them and therefore my fault.

A lot of you seem to want me to move on and forget about all this....do you not think that is what i am trying to do?

Do you really think i just sit at home and feel bitter about all this all the time? I have help in the form of mates, family and my nurse, and i am trying to move forward, it will just be a very slow process becasue i have a lot of things to come to terms with before i can.

On Thursday, before i even turned on my computer i went and sought help and i have made some realisations about my life and my relationship.

I will change. I know noone on here believes i can do it but i have done it before. There is noone on this message board who knew the person i used to be apart from Martin. I do not want to go back to that, i want to be a 3rd heather.

I will build the chrysalis around me and i WILL emerge as a beautiful butterfly. You may doubt, but there is no doubt in my mind that i will get through this.

Constructive critisism is welcomed, but posts like grahams are not.

Thankyou for reading.

Heather

i doubt that very much Geordie...having mental health issues isn't a walk in the park and although living in your house may not be rosey you could move out...heather can't really move out of the thoughts in her head tho...the'yre there and she's tryin got get help dealing with them...

i don't agree with alot of the things she says or how she goes about certain aspect of trying to move on from martin but she is not lucky for having the problems she has by any means

Heather - think about this: get rid of your computer, or disable it's access to the net, or the board.. block Martin/Claire and anyone you associate with them (me if it would help??).

The internet and this board is your only crutch, all the things you know about them comes from your access to seeing it. If you stopped reading this, sending emails etc you'd definitely get over it, honestly Heather it'd do you the world of good.

And you would fucking know would you Ruth ??

Forgive me if im wrong but your away half the time anyways, come back and pop the old "what have i missed" post.

I for one didnt move out of my house cos if i did my mam was left with nothing, to me she is all i have - my sister was here, she fucked up for 3 years took all sorts, missing 42 times in a month - one the news, in the papers, on the radio etc etc.

Where would i of left me mam if id of moved out, fucking hell its hardlys the caring son she knows is it

Yeah ok Heather has problems, other people do as well - from what my mam/sister have also been thru and the people they have seen/got help off we could of made a canny film.

i never siad you had it easy but to tell someone they're lucky to have mental health problems isn't right either...i don't think from what you've just posted that anyone would envy your home life at times either but i know enough people who self harm and/or are severely/manicaly depressed to know that that isn't a bag of roses either.

btw i didn't know that it wasn't ideal to move out with your home situation so i appologise for that.

Fucking hell i hardlys said she's lucky to have mental problems did i, it might of looked like that and you took it like that but if i had meant to have said "your lucky to have mental problems" i would of - i hardlys mince my words do i.

It was meant in the form of Heathers lucky to be who she is, alive - kicking and at the moment not so well, which may change cos of the fact she's getting help.

Is that the fucking board twisting things again is it, eeeee well a fucking never ?!?

you should've put it in that context then cos it really did look like you meant it that way....

Its you fucking shit stiring and making it look like that more like it

And people wonder why people stay off the board, and dont post 110 % of there life on here

Can anyone tell me what im meant to be doing tonight or who im shagging at the moment ?!?!

i ain't shit stiring at all, i was giving an oppinion on something you posted...to me it looked like you were saying she was lucky she had mental health issues and not your home life...

now you've said that you didn't mean it that way there should be no problem??

No but i am pissed off the way that you have made me look like a total arsehole jumping the gun on what i had posted

tonight you are meant to be stalking pvd.

I think your supposed to be shagging him also.


As i said, my illness is no excuse for this any of this. But it is the reason i could not stop posting that night.

Nasser, go away. You are a child. You do not understand my problems. To think that what im trying to cope with is the fact that martin has a girlfriend, then you need to open your eyes to the world and actually listen to me when i talk to you.

Winner.

funnily enough i was a bit pissed at you implying that having mental health issues was so much fun!

i didn't make you look like an arsehole but the since that initial post you've done a decent job of it for yourself!

Ask your Shrink 'should I stop viewing the board which Martin posts on?' It'll not solve all of your problems but it'll help you get over him.

It's not an immidiate solution but it'll help. Does anyone disagree?

Makes sense to me.

When you got banned I thought it would do you good as well bcos u'd spend less time on here.

FFS !! Just get on with it...Heather why bring all this attention to yourself ?
The only way to make yourself stronger and get over it, is to deal with it yourself.
If there's one thing in life i can't stand is ppl feeling sorry for themselves,there's always someone worse off than you out there.Ppl giving you sympathy isn't going to help you one bit.

Your b/f is now seeing someone else ...so leave him to it.No one will really know whats went on between you's, so why even try to plaster it all over a message board ?!!
He's not the one for you or you's would still be together...so deal with it.
Smile and be happy for them,your the one thats giving yourself all this mental torture.

Live,learn and move on....its what lifes all about.

Ruth, Geordie ....stop being so childish ..tit for tat stuff, i'm more worse of than you etc etc ...come on please !