washington earthquake EARTHQUAKE ROCKS WASHINGTON (Tyne & Wear) A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Washington (Tyne & wear) yesterday. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "What's gaan on like" and "Whatt's aal this mush like" People complained that their beer had been spilled and several priceless collections of mementos from Whitley Bay and the Ocean Beach Pleasure Park were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed and many of the locals were woken before their Giro arrived. In all, the earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. One resident, Tracey Sharon Smiff, a 15 year old single mother of five said "It was such a shock like. Me eldest Chardonnay Mercedes came running into me bedroom crying. Me youngest two, Tyler Morgan and Megan Lexis, slept through it aal. It was terrible and I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning". Apparently though, lootings, muggings and car crime did continue as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 cases of Brown Ale into the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still sifting through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings which included benefit books, gold hoop earrings and gold clowns on chains from Elizabeth Duke and bone china from Poundland. CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. The clothing items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps. · Kappa Tracksuit tops (his and hers). · Shell Suits (female). · White sports socks. · Rockport boots and any other items sold in Primark. Required foodstuffs include: · Microwave meals. · Tins of baked beans. · Burgers of any description. · Ice cream. · Bottles of White Lightening or cans of Brown Ale. YOUR MONEY HELPS 22p buys a biro to fill out compo forms. £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drink to feed a family of nine for a whole day. £5.00 will pay for a packet of 20 B&H and a plastic lighter to calm the nerves of two adults for 20 minutes. Please do not send tents for shelter as the sight of posh housing is disturbing to neighbouring areas such as Sunderland & Cleadon. BREAKING NEWS Rescue workers found a girl buried in the rubble, smothered in blood. "Where are you bleeding from?" asked a paramedic. "I'm from bleedin' Chatham innit" said the girl "woss it gotta do wiv you?" The paramedic fearing concussion asked "How many fingers have I got up?" The girl screamed and said" I can't feel none!...Am I paralysed?" Please stay tuned for further developments.
