The Wizdom of Viz! i can't be arsed to cut the stupid email thingys.. DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your > > >favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply > > >think of another song you like and hum that instead. > > > > > > > > > > > >CINEMA GOERS. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by > > >having a p*ss before the film starts. > > > > > > > > > > > >RAPPERS. Avoid having to say " y'know what I'm sayin' " all the > > >time by actually speaking clearly in the first place. > > > > > > > > > > > >DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your > > >identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along > > >with your old bank statements. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night > > >drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going > > >to bed to remove the stains. > > > > > > > > > > > >SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial > > >tomfoolery after a trip to Prontaprint. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post > > >it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm > > >sticking out at 90º, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set > > >one of their dogs on you. > > > > > > > > > > > >EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half > > >the CVs into the bin. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound > > >to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This > > >will save your wife from having to do it. > > > > > > > > > > > >GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to > > >yourself by Royal Mail. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that > > >a very small horse is approaching. > > > > > > > > > > > >BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by > > >not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time. > > > > > > > > > > > >ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your > > >horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start > > >and send them on their way. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving > > >everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In > > >the morning, simply move it all back again. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >CAR thieves. Dont be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the > > >valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat. > > > > > > > > > > > >DEPRESSED PEOPLE Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', > > >simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. > > >Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will > > >think you are listening to the sea. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >JEREMY BEADLE When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks > > >in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of > > >laser > >disks. > > > > > > > > > > > >SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >SINGLE MEN Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing > > >outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch > > >and occasionally glancing inside. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the > > >egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. > > >After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out of > > >the > >pan. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to > > >the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they > > >blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >And the absolute belter for last........ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a > > >sh*t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house > > >after you've been banged. > > >
Re: The Wizdom of Viz! > > > > > >WOMEN Don't waste energy faking org@sms. Most men couldn't give a > > >sh*t anyway and you could use the saved energy to hoover the house > > >after you've been banged. > > > [/B][/QUOTE] Totally agree with that like!!! Nee point in any faking!
