the celtic fan application form jock b ,this would be ideal for you SELLICK SUPPORTERS ASSOCIATION APPLICATION FOR MEMBERSHIP PERSONAL DETAILS 1.Forenames (Furst and confurmation names): JohnPaul/Michael/Sean/Patrick/Brendan/Finbar/Dermott* *Please delete any that don’t apply 2. Surname (last name): O’……………….* Please Complete 3. Age (mental not physical): 4. Sex (Guess if unsure): 5. Fathers Name :- (If unknown list 3 suspects) ………………………………………. 6. Nationality Irish Scots/Irish Not British 7. Which best describes your place of residence? At Her Majesty’s Pleasure The Great Eastern A Pish Soaked Doorway 2 rent free Coonsil Hooses knocked into 1 at tax payers expense to accommodate your parasitic brood 8. How many illegitimate little scumbags have you spawned? 10+ 20+ Canne Count Never hud ma hole 9. Your Employment Record? Never Been Employed Unemployable Employed crowbar tae screw the chemists 10. How would you describe your personality? Bitter Twisted Bitter & Twisted Poisonous Absent INTELLIGENCE 11. Can you count to ten with your shoes on? Yes No 12. Can you count to 21 with your fly up? Yes No 13. Can you count at all? Yes No 14. What is your I.Q.? Minus Figures 0-10 10-20 Your shoe size Room Temperature MEDICAL INFORMATION 15. Do you have any distinguishing features? (tick at least three) Thick wirey ginger hair Deathly pale complexion Big joined up ginger freckles Buck Teeth Big Juggy Lugs Greasy Black Hair Dark Sunken Eyes Clapped in jaws Facial scarring One thick eyebrow stretching across your forehead Bandy legs A Hump Amusingly shaped cranium Arms & legs of equal length Needle marks on arms Tattoo 16. What tattoo do you have? Sellick Crest Irish Tricolour Shamrock Henrik Larsson Your broo number 17. Do you suffer from any of the following? Body Odour Halitosis Smelly feet Acne Warts STD’s Mysterious Voices LEISURE & RECREATION 18. How do you spend your leisure time? Sports Complex Care in the community complex Paranoid persecution complex Deep rooted guilt complex This question is too complex 19. How often do you have a bath? Monthly Birthdays Christmas Leap Years When it rains What’s a bath? 20 Do you still batter your wife? Yes/No* *Please delete as appropriate 21. Has your priest ever touched you down there? Yes/No* *If NO please go to question 21 22. What are your favourite foods? Irish Stew Potatoes Cabbage Potatoes Dugshite Communion Wafers Potatoes Fish (Fridays Only) 23. What are your favourite drinks? Bushmills Murphy’s Guinness Buckfast Guinness/Bucky Snakebite Meths Furniture Polish Communion Wine Father O’Flahery’s Salty Penance Paste 24. What are your favourite records? Fields of Athenrye Gypsies, Tramps & Theives Duelling banjos theme from Deliverence Ma criminal record Guinness book of records Daily Record 25. What are your hobbies/pastimes? (please tick those that don’t apply,…………if any) Squeezin ma plooks Exposing myself Masturbation (even though I burn in hell) Sexually assaulting my kids Tannin’ hooses Tannin’ motors Mugging Shoplifting Collecting rare & contagious skin disorders Urinating in my sink Urinating in my troosers Stealing wheel trims Stealing clothes from washing lines Stealing clothes from jakeys Cultivating a gallus wee spikey fringe that sticks oot the bottom of ma baseball cap Religiously attending confession on Sunday so ah don’t born in the bad fire for all the above Telling Huns they will burn in the bad fire because they simply don’t have our high moral standards SELLICK SECTION 26. How long have you supported Sellik? Lifetime Since 1967 Since the new strip came out Since they started winning again 27. How often do you see matches? Every Game Every Home Game Every game we look like winning When day release permits When it’s on in the pub When it’s on in Dixons windae 28. How do you pay for your season ticket? Giro Provident A big bag a ginger bottles Sell the Big Issue Get ma sister pregnant again and use the additional family credit 29. Where were you when Celtic won the European Cup? Supporting St Mirren, but it was the best night of my life No interest in football, but it was the best night of my life Wasn’t born, but it was the best night of my life Having sex at the St Columba Club, he was the best Knight of my life Robbing the Chip Shop. (Evidence on shoulder must be provided) 30. What would you rather see Sellick win? SPL Premiership Champion’s League Irish League Fights outside Baird’s Bar 31. Do you own any of the following? A replica Sellick tap A cheap as fuck retro style Eire tap A Pogues T Shirt Lison Lions 1967 commemorative pyjamas Balaclava and a combat jacket Pope John Paul II on tour at Ballhouston Park ’82 souvenir rosary beads 32. Have your kids managed to get into Sellick Boys Club? Yes No, but the Club are dead keen to get into them 33. In your own words please explain the silent T in Celtic (Continue on a separate betting slip if necessary) ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. 34. Please state your main reason for joining our secure unit supporters club. Near Home Near Barlinnie Near ma social worker Near Carstairs Need to join a gang as part of the overwhelming “them and us” Irish mentality To increase my chances of finding employment with Glasgow City Council Please complete the following declaration: (If in any doubt, just ask your carer, social worker, parole officer, etc tae pit yer name in the wee boaxes) I, ___________O’____________, being of feeble paranoid mind and hideously grotesque Coupon do hereby declare my undying allegiance to His Holiness the Pope John Paul; The Virgin Mary, Cardinal Winning (god rest his soul), St Patrick, Billy Connolly, The Irish Republic, Rod Stewart, Mother Theresa and the little sisters of the poor, Bono fae U2, Gerry Adams, The Knights of St Columba and the chairman of Sellick Football Club. I will not bring the bad name of Sellick Football Club into good repute through an of my Actions, nor will I indulge in any practices, which maybe considered socially acceptable. I shall hate THEM and all things British with rabid fervour and endeavour at all times (Including lent) to uphold the longstanding Irish underclass traditions of Sellick Football Club in accordance with the rules and regulations of oor mob and will not seek to integrate with society as a whole in any way, shape or form. Honest.
