Stupidity IDIOTS IN SERVICE This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?) IDIOTS AT WORK: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had Just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore. I've recently been with some of these people... IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. IDIOT SIGHTING #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." IDIOT SIGHTING #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?" IDIOT SIGHTING #3: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer- in-the-headlights stare. IDIOT SIGHTING #4: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. IDIOT SIGHTING #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." EVER WONDER... ...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word? ...why doctors call what they do "practice"? ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? ...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker? ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? ...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? ...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ? ...why sheep don't shrink when it rains? ...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? ...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe? AND... In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Some people eh??
