PopBitch If you aint heard of PopBitch, they deal in sleaze and gossip of the rich and famous and stupid. The rumour of Mr & Mrs Posh breaking up came from here. I'll post the mail from them here every week =========================================== "If we all kinda lived like dogs it would be great." David Boreanez (Angel) --------------------------------------------------- POPBITCH! _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 15.01.03 *issue 148* subscribe or unsubscribe: http://www.popbitch.com our email: hello@popbitch.com * Get ready kids, it's the Nonce-sters Of Rock! * How Deep Is Your Bruv? * Charts: Fame Academy David is number one --------------------------------------------------- >> "Tonight Matthew." << ". I'm going to get fiddled with" What the hell is going on with the world? It feels we've all been transported to a fantasy dimension invented by the odder users of the Popbitch messageboard. Our rock stars are paedophiles, Buckingham Palace is full of gay rapists, and TV presenter Matthew Kelly has been arrested for allegations of kiddie-fiddling. If there is a God, then surely Armageddon can only be days away. In the meantime, try this great paedo game: http://b3ta.com/nonce-or-babysitter/ --------------------------------------------------- Limahl is the headline act for European Gay Ski Week in Austria this year. --------------------------------------------------- >> Big Questions << Blind items leading the blind Which Star Trek officer likes to pay high-class prostitutes to pleasure themselves with a large dildo while he reclines in an armchair listening to classical music? Which children's TV presenter at the Reading Festival took a mag-hag into a caravan and fucked her from behind while she snorted a gram of coke in one - as a celebration of "being fucked by a proper celebrity"? --------------------------------------------------- Sebastian Bach of Skid Row has finally fulfilled his destiny. He is playing Jesus in the touring Broadway production of 'Jesus Christ Superstar'. --------------------------------------------------- >> Nonce-sters Of Rock! << "But officer, it's just an S Club Jnrs album" With Pete Townshend and Glitter banged up, and a big 80s star currently beseiged by tabloid hacks, the paedo witch-hunt is going wild. It's only natural that lonely old rock stars should pass their twilight years wanking off over internet porn. And as they recall their groupie-fucking glory years, it's sadly inevitable that they should seek out pictures of teenagers. But consider the following irony: The American authorities have launched the biggest witch-hunt in history, aiming to imprison every loser who has ever beaten off over pictures of young teen girls from Eastern Europe. Meanwhile, America's biggest record company is enjoying worldwide success with the TATU. TATU's big sell? A video featuring young teen girls from Eastern Europe, writhing moistly together in orgasmic lesbian ecstasy. (FYI: though the Tatu girls are now 17 and 18, the video was shot back in 1999. Dodgy, huh?) --------------------------------------------------- David from Scooch has boxer shorts with 'Nice Baubles' written on them. --------------------------------------------------- >> Parlez-Vous Council? << The Croydon Facelift "Croydon Facelift" - the tightened look council estate girls get when they've scraped their hair back too far in a ponytail. As seen on. Cheryl Tweedy, the violent psycho from Girls Aloud. --------------------------------------------------- Jennifer Connelly was in Duran Duran's Wild Boys video. --------------------------------------------------- >> How Deep Is Your Bruv? << Bee Gee dies. Is Chris Rea next? We love the Bee Gees and it's sad about Maurice dying - but we can take some comfort from the fact that he lived well: the Gibb brothers were legendary caners. The road crew who toured with them in the early 90s still talk about their consumption with awe. The other silver lining is that the Bee Gees will undoubtedly now receive that surge in album sales which occurs after a high profile pop death. Bets are currently being placed on Chris Rea being the next pop casualty. Chris is nothing if not prepared: he's said to have recorded three new albums of material ready for his estate to shift in the event of early death. --------------------------------------------------- Ronan Keating is planning to record a version of Oasis anthem Cigarettes and Alcohol. Is he mad? --------------------------------------------------- >> Ono you don't << Macca and Yoko get it on Paul McCartney's latest CD Back in the USA 2002 was recorded on tour in America last year but he intended to mix it, as usual, in the Abbey Road studios made famous by the Beatles. Yoko Ono got wind of the project and block-booked Abbey Road for the whole of the Summer, so Macca couldn't use it. It was soon after this that McCartney decided to change the writing credits around on some of the Beatles songs --------------------------------------------------- New music terms for 2003: Tetris Pop. Acts created to fit a specific youth demographic identified by marketing executives. For example: Avril Lavigne. --------------------------------------------------- >> Gak Attack << Club installs Goffey Shelves Since Soho House's infamous "dropped E" incident in which Jude Law's toddler ate someone's ecstacy tablet, the club have taken steps to rid themsleves of their druggie reputation. (Our suggestion: get rid of their entire clientele) All the flat surfaces in the toilets have been replaced with slanted shelves to make gak-snorting impossible. The club have christened these new surfaces "Goffey Shelves" - in honour of Danny Goffey, the Supergrass drummer, legendary caner and host of the party where the baby ate the pill. --------------------------------------------------- Duran Duran's new single 'Taste Of The Summer', is due out in May, with a tour and album to follow. --------------------------------------------------- >> Halliwell human? << Geri shows signs of self-awareness Richard Curtis, (who wrote Four Weddings and a Funeral) tells a story of the time he took Geri Halliwell to see Sarah McLachlan in concert. Halfway through Geri turns to Richard and says: "If I was given unlimited time and about a hundred takes, I could hit at least two of the notes she has." In your dreams, love. --------------------------------------------------- Martine McCutcheon is class. While at the 50th birthday party of Nicky Clarke's wife, she told everyone in the toilets that she "she really fancied Nicky." --------------------------------------------------- tbc...
part 2 ... >> I'm a TV viewer << Get me out of here Coming to UK TV in March, a new show from the team behind I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. The Club will feature three celebrities running three different bars in the same club - Nylon, in London, using members of the public as staff. Donna Air and Matt Brown are presenters. If anyone from Al Qaeda is reading this, we suggest that Nylon might be a good place to test out that Ricin stuff you've been working on. --------------------------------------------------- Lisa and Fay from Steps are set to release a house record called Room. --------------------------------------------------- >> Things to make you go Hmm << Pets, junkies and prog rock Has Mick Hucknall been replaced by an android? The ginger weirdo was spotted having dinner at North London's Hill Bar last Saturday, and fellow diners were suprised that he didn't get up to go to the toilet once in three hours. (He didn't try to hump any models either, so something is definitely up). Russ Ballard of 70s prog-rock band Argent was the genius behind classic rock hits like Rainbow's Since You've Been Gone and God Gave Rock and Roll To You for Kiss. So what the fuck is he doing writing Love On The Line for Blazin' Squad? The best named Drew Barrymore fan site: http://www.drewjunkie.com/ Get your pet painted in the style of the Old Masters: http://www.petobsessed.com The format rights for BBC TV comedy The Kumars At Number 42 has been bought by a US network. The Indian family will instead be Hispanic. And not called Kumar. >> Chart Predictions << New entries for Sunday 19 January ++ Number One DAVID SNEDDON Stop Living The Lie David's last band was The Martians. Before that he was in a duo, 2K, who wore kilts from: http://www.21stcenturykilts.co.uk ++ Top Ten JAMESON True Bigger than expected hit for underground garage track with newly-added female vocals. FEEDER Just The Way I'm Feeling Forthcoming tour will see up-coming acts like Inme, Hell is For Heroes and Serafin filling support slots. (Whoever the fuck they are.) BUSTED Year 3000 Promoted this single yesterday with an appearance at WH Smith, Kingston-upon-Thames. LAYO & BUSHWACKA Love Story v Finally Re-issue of one of 2002's best house tracks, by two long-term DJ residents of London's End nightclub. PUNJABI MC Mundian Te Bach Ke Sony bankrolled label Instant Karma with £10m, and got nothing to show for it except one single in the lower end of the charts. Within months of the deal ending Instant Karma have a huge European hit. ++ Top Twenty FLAMING LIPS Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Yoshimi is a black-belt in karate. THE LIBERTINES Time For Heroes Produced by The Clash's Mick Jones. ZOE BIRKETT Treat Her Like A Lady Zoe's first (and last?) single has taken so long as her people's demands for her were so high every record label initally passed. ROSIE RIBBONS A Little Bit Yet another astute Telstar signing, like Claire Sweeney, Mrs Beckham and Vinnie Jones. Telstar lost millions last year. And are apparently desparate for Warners to buy them out. ++ Top Forty NAS Made You Look From disappointing new album God's Son. LUCY CARR Missing You Girlfriend of Peter Stringfellow (UK's Hugh Hefner), who set up the label so she could release this single. Check out video where secret-agent type man crosses jungle to reunite Lucy with her airdog. BOB SINCLAR The Beat Goes On Buy for the Roger Sanchez remix. REEF Give Me Your Love Greatest hits album, Together, which was recorded in LA is released this month. JOHN SILVER Come On Over Dull house track from label of defunct Liverpool club Cream. DARIO G Heaven Is Closer Eurodance-style cover of Fiction Factory's Feels Like Heaven. Not as good as Camino's version. >> End Bit << Please email us stories, facts, gossip, news, whatever: hello@popbitch.com Thanks: lovelight, billyjean, sara047, nubby kettlewatcher, boris1, captain_k, britnee, supercrass, violinz, Mr M, rob, DL, Zb, 0898, tirade, brooklynlion, uglyboy, reverend_goatboy softmachinelad ********************************* SUPPORT POPBITCH! Thanks to the following for presents: 1. TATU for the album and lollipop. 2. Speedwagon for the CD 3. Cypher for the Flash t-shirt 4. Mr X for the Jane MacDonald autobiography. Please send bribes and prescription drugs to: Popbitch, Charter House, 2 Farringdon Rd London EC1M 3HP ********************************* Subscribe or unsubscribe: http://www.popbitch.com Popbitch is hosted in a nuclear bunker: http://www.thebunker.net Old Jokes Home: A Geordie bloke goes into the hairdressers and asks 'Can I have a perm please?' Hairdresser replies, 'I wandered lonely as a cloud' Still bored? Buy yourself the perfect sexual partner: http://www.cyborgasmatrix.com/DollsTorso_Gallery.htm
