PopBitch-Sir Henry Von Hasselhof --------------------------------------------------- POPBITCH _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__ | '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \ | |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | | | .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_| |_| |_| 01.04.03 *ISSUE 158* Subscribe or unsubscribe: http://www.popbitch.com Email: hello@popbitch.com * Pump up your labia * Hammer Time in the Gulf * Charts: Room 5 still number one --------------------------------------------------- >> Getting Whiggy with it << What happened to the one-hit lovely? Anyone know what Whigfield's up to these days? Saturday Night was a hit way back in 1994. We've had a report from a stag night in Copenhagen where a groom swears he got a "fantastic" blowjob from a professional lady... whom he then recognised as Whigfield. Can't be true, can it? Email hello@popbitch.com --------------------------------------------------- Pandas compete with each other to see who can take a piss highest up a tree. --------------------------------------------------- >> Hot new cosmetic surgery! << Girls - get yourself a pair of nuts Labia reduction, parts tightening and asshole bleaching are old hat in LA now. The new genital modification to boast about is Labial Saline Infusion. Saline is injected into the labia to swell them up, so a woman can feel what its like to have bollocks. And if the clitoris is also injected, a small penis too. The swelling lasts for several hours. http://www.bmezine.com/extreme/free/cmhurt/labial.html --------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between Saddam Hussein and a sperm? One comes from Baghdad, the other comes from Dad's bag. --------------------------------------------------- >> Big Questions << Gay Hollywood special Which sci-fi action star controls his weight between movies through a rigorous programme of vomiting, amphetamines and gym training? He's gay but can't come out as he fears the studios wouldn't back him so he lives a sad fake life in which he feels increasingly uncomfortable. Which litigious leading man likes to spend time in London because he's got a black male lover stashed away in a cheap flat here in the capital? --------------------------------------------------- We hear from Kuwait City that sex-starved male war hacks are getting their only "relief" by watching the lingerie segments on Fashion TV. --------------------------------------------------- >> Injunction Bitch << The unbeautiful game It's harder and harder to print stories about footballers these days, as they're so keen to use their lawyers. So we're sticking to bringing you the stories in their own words: "It's getting harder to play away" - Michael Owen. --------------------------------------------------- US military briefings in Qatar take place on a $250k set, designed by David Blaine's art director, George Allison. It cost $50,000 to fed-ex from Chicago. --------------------------------------------------- >> The Golden Light Of Ricky << Bastard amber and cosmetic chocolate Ever wondered how Ricky Martin always looks shiny and golden in interviews? Well, its because his people always bring specific colour gels to put over the lights for his TV appearances. The gels are called "cosmetic chocolate" and "bastard amber". Ricky also has a painting which has to be used as his interview backdrop. Its grey with orange flecks - It's designed to bring out his skin tone and highlights on camera. Anyone know what Ricky's doing now? email hello@popbitch.com --------------------------------------------------- American Idol charity record: What The World Needs Now Is Love has been ditched in favour of I'm Proud To Be An American/God Bless The USA. --------------------------------------------------- >> Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em << Admiral Keating: can't touch this At the start of Gulf War II, US Naval Rear Admiral Timothy Keating of USS Constellation found a novel way to encourage his troops on to war. He got everyone together on deck, played Queen's We Will Rock You really, really loud, and announced... "It's hammer time!" --------------------------------------------------- In Gulf War I, we hear the most popular songs were Chesney Hawkes' I Am The One And Only, and Oleta Adams' Get Here. So Enrique's Hero is not so bad. --------------------------------------------------- >> Celebrity parasites << No 34: the positioner Mariah Carey has a "Positioner" on her staff. He accompanies her everywhere, and his only job is to get her into the right position every time she's on camera. (FYI: her correct "position" while doing interviews is: leg nearest camera out straight, other leg bent, one arm over chair/sofa, tits out, pointed at camera. Watch next time and check) --------------------------------------------------- Claire from Steps has finally found her place in life - starring in I'm In The Mood For Dancing, a musical based on the Nolan Sisters. With Lionel Blair. --------------------------------------------------- >> Hot Vixen Nuns.... ZZZZZTTTT! << Pervy pensioner goes out in style Manfred Lubitz was a German pensioner who moved to a Spanish holiday resort in search of a more exciting life. Unfortunately his search for thrills lead to him electrocuting himself last week with a home-made sex toy. Manfred wired himself up to a gadget which had a vibrating mat, massage pads and electrodes attached to his genitals, and then settled back to watch porn movies while receiving an electric jazzing. His body was found by the local police. "There seems to have been a power surge while he was watching a film called Hot Vixen Nuns," they said. "The flat was damp." Prior to his death, Lubitz boasted to friends that his Orgasmatron, named after a sex machine in the Woody Allen film Sleeper, "was better than a woman, and a lot cheaper". --------------------------------------------------- Two pandas in San Diego Zoo have surprised keepers by having sex three times in one day. Normally they live in Geri Halliwell-esque chastity. --------------------------------------------------- >> Madonna [hearts] Zaldy << Old drag queen buys clothes from old drag queen Madonna is unveiling a new fashion direction. She's just bought up the debut collection from New York designer Zaldy. Zaldy is a former vogueing drag queen who now lives in the Chelsea Hotel. She was the drag queen featured in the gender-bending Levis taxi advert in 1995. And used to design outfits for RuPaul. (FYI: you can see Madonna wearing Zaldy in the new issue of Nylon) --------------------------------------------------- Moroccan government has offered 2000 trained monkeys to US to help detonate landmines. Bet they're useless and just hump each other. --------------------------------------------------- >> War Pigs << Make time for swine Belgian actor Benjamin Verdonck protested against war by living in a cage with a pig for three days, in a museum in Ghent. Verdonck said: "I'm very troubled by the many conflicts in the world, especially the one between Iraq and the USA. And because humans can't tell me what is really going on, I'm trying to find an answer from a pig." The performance was called "I love America and America loves me."
--------------------------------------------------- Notorious BIG is billed as executive producer on Lil Kim's new album. Biggie died March 1997. --------------------------------------------------- >> Let's go crazy... << ... Prince is back! The Prince Revival starts here? Time Warner are secretly re-editing and adding songs deleted from Purple Rain, in a secret Arizona studio. The new songs are believed to be Electric Intercourse, Extra Lovable, These Things, Take Me God! and The Dance Electric. Prince seems to have cooled down from his dispute with label Warners, and is even talking of recording an album of 80s-style new material ready for the cinema release of Purple Rain: The Truth next summer. --------------------------------------------------- Clubbing is dead, part 234... even London superclub Fabric appears to have gone into administration. --------------------------------------------------- >> Things To Make You Go Hmm... << Otters, body parts, sick bags Great TV coming soon: Queer Eye for a Straight Guy Gay men get to makeover a straight guy - teaching him personal grooming, fashion, food and wine, etiquette, culture and interior design. Creator David Collins says: "its not about gay or straight. We all want to look good, feel good and have great shoes, of course." Sick Bags virtual museum: http://www.airsicknessbags.com/ Buy us a chocolate otter: http://www.otterbaygifts.com/shop/singles/1024.htm Still time to bid for Brian Backstreet's BMW: http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2409163204 Which one of Justin Timblerlake's body parts are you? Popbitch is Justin's chest: a smooth operator and well defined. http://www.jujucrew.com/quiz/justinbp/index.html First synopsis of popbitch - the movie: http://www.lazycinema.com/ David Hasselhof has a lovely new puppy called Sir Henry Von Hasselhof: http://www.davidhasselhoff.tv/puppy.html >> Chart predictions << New entries for Sunday 6th April ++ Number One ROOM 5 Feat OLIVER CHEATHAM Make Luv Excellent cover artwork on Oliver's last album: http://www.xs4all.nl/~mroyen/oliver_cheatham02.htm ++ Top Ten ATOMIC KITTEN Love Doesn't Have To Hurt Written by The Bangles' Susanna Hoffs, the tart. AVRIL LAVIGNE I'm With You Brian May and Busted spotted at Avril's London gig this week. ++ Top Twenty MARIO J Just A Friend 16 year-old Clive Davis prodigy from Baltimore. EVE Satisfaction Producer Dr Dre's career was launched in late 1980s when in return for $900 from Eazy-E to pay parking tickets he agreed to produce a record for him. ++ Top Forty JESSY Look At Me Now Belgian dance, aided by Reggie and Filip, the men behind Milk Inc. ROOTS The Seed (2.0) Won a grammy for the 1999 album Things Fall Apart. SAINT Show Me Heaven Maria McKee cover: Maria's brother Bryan co-founded Love with Arthur Lee. ROC PROJECT Never (Past Tense) DJ Ray Roc features Tina Arena on vocals. Tiesto remix is best. >> End Bit << Help Popbitch! Please email us: stories, news, gossip hello@popbitch.com Thanks this week to: JDC, ML, icon, LT, beard, rev_dr_t_bone_slim, dpam, kurt, town_without_pity, Caz, M, plastiktom, brooklynlion, SM, E, AM, rock, offensive, DH, tremond1, fridgemonkey, mutant_camel tinder_box, rev_dr_t_bone_slim, cartel_mike, chemicalalimajid, JBB, SH ****************************************** Thanks this week: Sex Toys from http://www.lovehoney.com CDs from Credence Please send presents, food, bribes etc: Popbitch, Charter House, 2 Farringdon Rd, London EC1M 3HP ****************************************** Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd. Web hosting by: http://www.thebunker.net Subscribe or unsubscribe: http://www.popbitch.com Advertise on popbitch.com for £10: http://www.popbitch.com/classifieds Old Jokes' Home: Two residents in an old people's home are getting it on when the woman stops and says to the old man, "I think I ought to warn you that I've got acute angina". The old man looks at her and says: "Yeah and your tits aren't bad either" Still bored? Why not join the army? Check out the FAQ - (includes "Can I go straight into the SAS when I join?", "Which soldiers are issued with night vision goggles?" and "I have a number of convictions - can I still join up?") http://www.metafaq.com/faq/mycamouflage/armyjobs
