Paddy Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy". Paddy replies "OK Mick,I'll be on my way then" . Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. "Be' Jesus...I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin'way". He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?". Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin’ p*ssed.But how'd you know?" "Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub"
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE??? "PADDY, FOR £1MILLION, WHO WAS THE GREAT TRAIN ROBBER"? "WAS IT, A, RONNIE BARKER... B, RONNIE O'SULLIVAN... C, RONNIE CORBETT... OR..WAS IT D, RONNIE BIGGS"??? Paddy say's..."I'LL TAKE THE MONEY" Chris reminds him that he still has his 3 lifelines left. Paddy again says.."I'LL TAKE THE MONEY" "YOU DON'T WANT TO CALL A FREIND" say's Chris. "NO I'LL TAKE THE MONEY" "GIVE HIM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE, PADDY GOES AWAY WITH £500,000" says Chris. "BEFORE YOU GO, YOU'LL OBVIOUSLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER WAS" Paddy said "NO, I KNOW IT ANYWAY" "ARE YOU MAD" asks Chris, "ARE YOU MENTAL?" Paddy says, "I MIGHT BE MENTAL....BUT I'M NOT A GRASS"
