one or two jokes to pass the time... An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your other hand." --------------------- What is blue and doesn't fit? A dead epileptic. ---------------------
Read this out loud until you get it... "I am we todd did. I am sofa king we todd did." ------------------- One evening, a man goes home after an unsuccessful night looking for action in the local bar. Next night, he rushes in and tell his friend "You'll never guess what! On the way home last night, I found a woman tied up on the train tracks. So I untied her, took her home, and had sex with her nearly every way imaginable." And he starts describing to his friend what he did. His friend asks, "Did you get a blow job?" "No," said the guy, "I couldn't find her head." ----------------- Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach when all of a sudden Moses shouts out, ''You know what? I'm going to try and part the ocean again.'' And he throws his hands in the air and magically the ocean parts. Jesus sees this and says, ''I'm going to try and walk on water again!'' So he walks up to the water and takes a step on top and sinks! Moses says, ''Try it again, Jesus. It's been a while.'' So Jesus tries again and once more, he sinks. Jesus comes up out of the water and says, ''I know what the problem is. When I walked on water before, I didn't have holes in my feet!'' ----------------- A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!" --------------------
how do you make a baby drink? stick it in a blender ------------ ps. u know im only posting again and again so i can see my kid again and again
gross...look away now! A man was in the waiting room at the hospital, pacing the floor. His wife was inside having their first child. After a while the doctor came out to talk to the nervous father. "Well, your baby is here. It's a boy. And guess what? He can fly!" The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the floor with a SMACK. The father was irrate. The doctor calmed him down "Don't worry, I'm a doctor. I know what I'm doing. Your baby really can fly. Watch." Again, the doctor picked up the baby, and this time tossed it across the room. Again, the baby hit the floor with a hard SMACK. The father was just about ready to kill the doctor. "You idiot! You're going to kill my baby!" "Don't worry. He just needs to be scared a little." So the doctor took the baby and held it out the third story window. The doctor let go of the baby and it hit the sidewalk below with a sickening SPLAT. The father was beside himself with anger. "You son-of-a-bitch! I'm gonna kill you!" "Hey, don't worry! I'm just joking with you. Your baby was stillborn."
