Light bulb jokes How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? 472, one to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle..... How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? "We've formed a task force to study the problem and why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we, as supervisors, can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder." How many tech support people does it take to change a light bulb? "We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine.Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay, now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be four or five things wrong - have you tried the switch?" How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb? Three, two to hold the ladder and one to screw the bulb into the tap. How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb? Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world. How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, Bill Gates will just redefine MSDarkness(TM) as the new industry standard. How many Apple employees does it take to change a light bulb? 7, one to change the bulb and six to design the T - Shirt. How many Apple programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, the light bulb will be obselete in six months anyway. How many testers does it take to change a light bulb? We just noticed that it was dark, we don't actually fix the problem. How many developers does it take to change a light bulb? "The light bulb works fine on the system in my office." How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? "You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message." How many shipping department personel does it take to change a light bulb? "We can change the bulb in 7 to 10 working days; if you call before two pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the light bulb changed overnight. Don't forget to put your name on the upper right hand corner of the light bulb box." How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to chnage the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? 9, one to climb the ladder and change it and eight to stand around grumbling "that should be me up there" None, that's a crew member's job. How many Einstein's does it take to change a light bulb? That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or visa versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room, it's all relative. How many gay men does it take to change a light bulb? Three, one to screw in an Art Deco bulb and two to shriek "fabulous". How many mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? Seven, one to force the bulb with a hammer, five to go out for more bulbs and one to make up other repairs for the bill. How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb? "Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago and I've just cashed up." How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? Five, and you should have seen the bulb, it must have been t h i s big. How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it in to. How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to screw it in and one to screw it up. How many monkeys does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to do it and one to scratch it's bum. How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb? Wow; is it like, dark, man? How many chickens does it take to change a light bulb? Screw in a light bulb? They can't even cross a road. How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb? None of your f######g business, get outta my f######g way. How many Englishmen does it take to change a light bulb? What do you mean, change. It's a perfectly good light bulb. We've had it for 100 years and it's worked fine. How many Ukranians does it take to change a light bulb? They don't need to, they glow in the dark. How many Australians does it takt to change a light bulb? 17, one to change the bulb and 16 to stand around saying "Goodonya mate". How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb? First things first, how many of them does it take to figure out it's blown? How many disarmament activists does it take to change a light bulb? If we change our bulb, they'll change theirs to a brighter one, so where will it all end? We already have enough bulbs to illuminate the whole world three times over. We shouldn't spend money for light as long as there is anyone hungry anywhere. We don't know what effect all this artficial light will have on the future of mankind. Nature provides us with all the light we need, we just haven't learnt to harness it yet. Artificial light isn't asthetically correct. The candle is more traditional, and uses no electricity. It is the responsibility of the Federal Government to provide light to all Australians, regardless of race, age, creed, colour, sex, religion, socio - economic status, national origin or need. How many dead politicians does it take to change a light bulb? As many as possible. How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? None, he'll only promise change. How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience. How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience. A': Nine. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it. How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None 'o yo' damn business! A': 50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract. How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis. How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change. A': None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready. How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Thats a hardware problem. A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down. A": Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project. How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a software problem. A': None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature. How many FSE's does it take to replace a dead light bulb? Who can tell. FSE's are always in the dark. A': 2. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc). How long will it take? That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them. What if you have _two_ dead bulbs? They replace your fuse box. How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb? As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway. How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb? That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only). Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session. Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it. How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done. How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb? None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark. How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb? None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it. How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. ("Thats all right...I'll just sit here in the dark...") How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb. How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike! How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub. How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution. How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb? 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again. How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs. How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb? Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb? Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.
