genie / cannibals A man, an ostrich & a cat walk into a bar and..... The bar tender says, "What would you like Sir?" The man says, "I'll have a pint of beer." He looks at the ostrich and says, "What will you have?" "I'll have a pint of beer" says the ostrich. He looks at the cat, "What will you have?" "Half a pint of beer - but I'm not paying." "That will be £6.50" says the bartender.So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £6.50. The next day after work the man goes into the same bar. "What'll it be today?" says the bartender. "Double whisky on the rocks"says the man. He looks at the ostrich and says, "What will you have?" "I'll join him in a double whisky" says the ostrich.He looks at the cat, "What will you have?" "Half a pint of beer-but I'm not paying" says the cat. "That will be £9.50" says the batender. So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £9.50. The next day after work the man goes into the same bar."Excuse me" the bartender, says, "I was just wondering why, no matter what the price, you always have the exact change in your pocket?" "Well" says the man, "when my grandmother died she left me everything in her house and inside there was a lamp. So I rubbed it and out popped a genie. It granted me three wishes. So I asked that every time I wanted to buy something I would have the exact change in my pocket". "That's brilliant" says the bartender. "You'll never ever run out of money. What else did you ask for?" The man sighs and says, "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy!!" ********************************************************************** Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."
