Blonde jokes

Blonde jokes

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone's been in a 747!

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"

"You are on the other side," yells the other blonde.

Why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheels?
Because they like more head room.

Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.

''Have you heard my knock-knock joke?'' asked the blonde.
''No,'' said the brunette.

''Okay,'' said the blonde, ''you start.''

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing to marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''

A blonde decides to show her husband that despite what everyone says, blondes really are smart.
While her husband is at work, she decides that she is going to paint the living room in their house. So the next day as soon as he leaves, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home after work and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a parka and a mink. He asks her what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the room.

He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but what's with her wearing the two coats?
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, ''FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!''

Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?
A: The brunette -- the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator?
She couldn't find the 10 key.

A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking at a dictionary for the hardest words they knew. The brunette's word was quizzical. The redhead's word was photosynthesis. The blonde's word was dick.

What's the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort!

Q: What's worse than a redhead and a brunette trying to build a house underwater?
A: A blonde trying to set fire to it.

A blonde wanted to buy personalized license plates but she couldn't afford them. So she changed her name to JKM345.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ''Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.''