Arsenal's end of season dinner/dance menu: STARTER: Egg on Face Seasoned Hash Frogs legs (past their best) Spanish Surprise (well beaten) MAIN COURSE: Humble Pie Chump Chops French (has) Beans Manager's Beef (not rare) Catch of the Day - big lemon Sol (gutted) NB: everything is imported, nothing is home grown. DESSERT: Sour Grapes (may be hard to swallow) Fruitless Tarts Raspberry Fools Hard Cheese DRINKS: Bitter Little Spirit French Whine Cabernet Empty 2006 Champagne - sorry none ordered STRICTLY NO DOUBLES OR TREBLES NB: drinks should be consumed from glasses as there will be no cups this year. GUEST SPEAKER: Sir Alex Ferguson - "What it's like to win the European Cup"
Its so you dont get cold while your stood outside waiting for your taxi, and dont let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
The Sunderland manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to the Stadium of Light. Two weeks later Sunderland are 4-0 down to Crewe with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Sunderland. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello mum, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me." "Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time." The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry." "Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" says his mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Sunderland in the first place!"
Q: What's the difference between the Stadium of S***e and a hedgehog? A: A hedgehog has pricks on the outside. Q: The Sunderland team are on a boat to their end of season tour. Then the ship begins to sink for some reason. Who gets saved? A: The nation. Q: How did the Mackem find his sister in the woods? A: Just Fine!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Someone asked me the other day, what time do Sunderland kick off? A: About every ten minutes I replied.
