Another Xmas Poem Twas the night before Christmas and all through the flat The big beats were blaring, 'twas too loud to chat The rizlas were perched on the table with care And smoke full of chemicals soon filled the air We'd just been out clubbing, I truly was trashed My friends were all here and equally mashed We'd popped a few pills and we'd had a quick sniff And just settled down to a nice tasty spliff When out on the balcony rose such a clatter We looked slowly up to see what was the matter I got to my feet and I swayed to the door And only occasionally fell on the floor I peered through the glass as I took a long puff The land glistened softly with rubbish and stuff When what to my wandering eyes should appear But a fat man in red and a team of reindeer He yelled and he ranted, gave each one a kick I knew in a second it must be Saint Nick He shrieked at each Reindeer and cursed them alike "F**k you!" yelled Rudolph "we're going on strike!" The reindeer did turn and soar into the sky And Santa growled something that wasn't goodbye I watched as they went in a puff of pink smoke And vowed from now on to stay off of the coke As debris did settle St Nick turned around He swore as he angrily kicked at the ground He gave me a gesture that clearly implied He'd be very pleased if I let him inside I threw the doors open and ushered him in Invited him through with a welcoming grin "So where are our presents?" my smashed flatmate cried With a look of astonishment, Santa replied; "You seriously think you might be on my list? You've got to be kidding, you're taking the piss! Have you lot considered your actions this year? Stop being stupid and get me a beer." He opened a tooheys, but still looked depressed We asked him to tell us what made him so stressed "My reindeer have left me" he said with a sigh "Unless I have reindeer I've no way to fly!" "Now look here" I told him "we may not know much We don't help old ladies, kiss babies and such, But Santa, there's no need for you to despair We know how to get you back up in the air!" I chopped up a line with precision and skill And rolled him up neatly a £20 bill His face lit up quickly with real Christmas cheer "Perhaps you kids WILL get some presents this year!" He spoke not a word but got straight to his mission He snorted that line with wholehearted ambition Then Santa skinned up and he smiled as he puffed We knew that our stockings this year would be stuffed He sprang to the balcony, leapt from the railing Soared to the sky with his present-sack trailing I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
