Affairs The First Affair > > > > A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their > passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made > passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell > asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told > the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and > dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and > drove home. > > "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. > > "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary > and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up > until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You > lying bastard! You've been playing golf."
They had teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for > the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got > pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. > The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took a > look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went > to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that > child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her > a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" > > The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the > front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed > baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move > until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." > > "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. > "Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for > their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." > > No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. > Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen > and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he > said to the statue. "Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths > for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks > for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent." > > "One cent?!" exclaims the man. So the man glances over at the menu and > asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a > fried egg?" > > "Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money." > > "How much money?" inquires the man. > > "4 cents," the bartender replies. > > "Four cents?" exclaims the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" > > The bartender replies, "Upstairs, with my wife." > > The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" > > The bartender replies, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by > his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her > praying roused him from his slumber He looked up and his pale lips began > to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered. > > "Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." > > He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something > that I must confess." > > "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's all > right. Go to sleep." > > "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister, your best > friend, her best friend and your mother!" > > "I know, my sweet one," whispered Becky. "Let the poison work."
